A full day of copyediting today reminded me of another pet peeve: Goofy words at the beginning of sentences.

They're the lazy guy's way of communicating, the equivalent of n in an algebraic equation. In these sentences as in algebra, the objective is to get rid of the n and replace it with something meaningful. And when we're successful, the whole equation—the sentence—adds up more sensibly.

Two n words stand out: "there" and "it." In this post, I'm focusing on "there." (Next week, we'll move on to "it.")

Check out how much better these sentences become when we solve for n:

Bad: There is a dog on the sofa.

Better: A dog is on the sofa.

Aside from the fact that a canine is smelling up your furniture, that first sentence stinks. Everything in the universe is somewhere...either "there" or "here," depending on your vantage point. There is a pencil! There is a chair! There is a superfluous exclamation point!! Are we really asking the question, "Where is the dog?" Nope. We're just saying, hey, a dog is drooling on your couch cushions. Why not say it crisply? A dog is on the sofa, damn it! Get him off! Much more direct than the wimpy, "Ooh, there is a dog...not here, there..."

Try flipping sentences that begin with "there" around, and you'll see that it forces you to come up with action words and concrete constructions:

Bad: There can be no other explanation.

Better: No other explanation makes sense.

Bad: There is no easy way to say this.

Better: I can't find a way to say this easily.

Bad: There are instances when editors are annoying.

Better: Sometimes, editors are annoying.

Maybe it's just me.

P.S.: My dog is always on the sofa.